The Playground is Moving

I've moved my blog to a new, more user friendly site. Please email me at poledancing@hotmail.com to get the new address. I hope you all will make the move with me! :)

Victory!

So it just occurred to me the great significance of the AXH wanting to have sex with me. I've tried to be as nice as possible throughout the entire divorce process. My ultimate revenge would be for him to look back and regret how he treated me and realize I wasn't so bad after all. Not that I'd take him back but I just want him to feel like shit in the end. I'm so mature I know. But if I yelled and screamed and was a bitch after we decided to break up it would just confirm his decision that he was right and I was in fact a bitch. So I took one for the long term revenge team. Well I think this could be as close as I'll get to victory. He wanted me finally and couldn't have me - even if it was just for sex. It was more than I could say he wanted during a huge part of our relationship.

AXH - 0
Lacy - 1

Confession Time

So occasionally I'll leave out a detail here and there on this blog or omit a story all together because it is something I am ashamed of or wish I hadn't done or it just didn't feel like the right time to share it. Now how my mental sensor decides what to omit, I don't know (well sometimes I do but I just need to get over it). But from here on out I promise to report it all. Feel free to run away screaming now or dive under your desk and suck your thumb. I will leave out a story only if it would cause extreme harm and pain to someone else - and they would find out that I wrote about it.

Let me digress for just a moment and then I'll elaborate on a few of the "details" I have omitted. There are only three large ones that are from recent posts.

The concept for this blog started out more like a personal journal for me. I wasn't going to tell people about it. Those of you who know me know that I'm not that great at keeping secrets. Let me rephrase. I'm great at keeping a secret if you ask me to, but not so great at keeping MY secrets. I like sharing and interacting and honestly like to have the attention. I started to tell a few people about it. Or I would just tell some of my stories. People liked the blog and people liked the stories. So I told the latter about the blog. A lot of you out there know me personally and I have no idea who this may have been passed on to and you don't know me. I hope you've enjoyed and I'm ready to take it to another level. I may even recount a few stories that happened before I started this blog just to help clear up some background and lay the foundation for the future and some of them are just plain funny. I really wish I would have been down with the blogging when I left the AXH because it would have been great to see the change in my emotional state as well as a play by play on all the random sex I was having. I'm not talking crazy hook up every day but there have been enough. A lot of them have been mentioned. I felt like I was trying to make up for lost time and feel wanted and desired. And most of those hookups sucked! (I think I'll do a blog listing these guys as a reference for you readers so I don't have to explain them when they come up...undecided on that...) That is why I'd move on. But I was still emotionally detached from sex at that point - as I've been with most guys most of my life. I'll explain later. This blog is about some of the things that have happened since I started blogging that I've left out.

Med: So I mentioned that he wanted to hook up with me two weekends ago (see Fuckable). I was pissed at the time. Then I got horny. So Thursday night we are chatting online (that sounded so Napoleon Dynamite) and I give him the ok to come over. The first time we had sex when we initially met it was great. Awesome! And that is a rare thing for me. That occurred late spring/early summer or so. I'm not really good with time frames for recounting events. Good thing I blog now so I can remember my life. We had sex a few more times when we were briefly seeing each other and it never even came close (no pun intended - sort of) to the first time. But after a while your memory just stores the highlights.

He shows up and we start kissing. He is a great kisser. I remembered that part correctly at least. We quickly move to the bedroom and start having sex. (Don't worry kids - I always use protection just in case you're wondering. Just assume that is the case in all these stories...not going to give you that sort of play by play unless necessary.) As we start having sex it gets eerily quiet and I remember...he is a silent fucker. He makes virtually no noise at all during the whole thing. You can't tell what he likes, is pretending to like, doesn't like, if he's even alive (other than the fact that he is fucking me). This is so freaky! I'd forgotten. Well I won't forget now. It makes things terribly weird. However there isn't much silence to endure. To my disbelief he cums almost immediately and says, "That was it."

All I could respond with was, "Seriously?" With someone who is silent you really have no idea what is taking place. I almost laughed out loud.

He responds with the following which actually caused me to start laughing. I'll paraphrase but it goes a little something like: "I even jacked off at like 7pm tonight so I thought I would last a lot longer. Oh, well." What can you say to that? Even now I'm still laughing over this exchange. We chat for a while. I wasn't even turned on enough to see if he wanted to go again. The magic of it all was gone. I figured I'd just masturbate after he left.

As he's leaving he actually gets this sly grin and asks if he can see me again that week. I immediately laugh! I can't help it! I say, "Seriously? I don't think so." Did he think I was impressed with the sex I actually almost missed!?

That is why I swore off casual sex in Having A Moment. I know I'll change my mind somewhere around the time when masturbating starts to get really old and I'm drinking. Bad combination. I get so horny when I drink.

Moving on...

While pole dancing for the AXH he asked if I'd dance topless so he could save this for the "spank bank." (His words not mine.) I agreed.

Moving on again...

I had a threesome a few months ago. Twice.

Officially Over It

I'm over it. I'm moving on. Who knows what the future holds but for now I'm letting go. I can't deal with it anymore. It is too emotionally draining and I feel like I have no control and am powerless. Not a good feeling.

I sent out the following email proclamation to confirm this to the person that I'm officially over:

Call me. I want my stuff back - X, X, whatever else. Figure out a time I can get it from you. Find a story to tell X about where it went.

Short and to the point. I'm not very good at that usually. Why sugar coat it? This has totally sucked ass for me.

Party Clothes

THE PLAN: Organize a night out on the town so all of my friends can meet. My worlds would purposely collide. Drink. Drink. Drink. Dance. Dance. Dance. Fun! Fun! Fun!

THE THEME: Party clothes...not so party manners. I bought a new dress and wanted to wear it. Then I bought sexy shoes to go with the wonderful new dress. I formulated THE PLAN to wear the new dress and shoes.

To my amazement I had an estimated 15 attendees lined up for my Party Clothes event. I show up to the chosen venue at 9pm as I said I would and I'm the first one there. No surprise. I'm always the first one. So I start sending out a text blitz to find out where everyone is. Silas bailed on me earlier that afternoon so he was off the list as well as his brother and his gf. Let me put on the brakes for a sec. You don't know Silas so let me introduce.

SILAS: I used to work with Silas. He reads my blog so "hi Silas. I warned you that you'd be included one day." I'm surprised that I haven't mentioned Silas before but I guess he just hasn't been involved in the crazy side of my life. I could write an entire blog about him and I just may one day. To sum him up for you though so we can get to the craziness of last night: he is handsome, has wonderful teeth, would come to my aid if I needed him for anything, (and I hope he knows that I'd be there for him...even though he tends to steer clear of the craziness and probably wouldn't be the one needing the rescuing), loves the music that makes me want to slit my wrists when I listen to it (so I don't) and tends to over think things with the ladies versus just acting on instinct. And I used to crush on him when I first started working with him. So there ya go. Now back to Saturday.

Even though Silas bailed he still was kind enough to drop me off at the bar so that I didn't have to drive. Delilah promised she'd get me home somehow. Good enough plan for me. Conrad is running late but I expect that from him. He's always fashionably late, fashionably dressed, etc. No sign of any other familiar faces.

So we'll start a drink tally. 1. Washington Apple Shooter (on special) 2. martini on special (can't remember the name but it had sugar on the rim and I LOVE SUGAR). You know I'm trying to find a new signature drink so I always try the special if it interests me at all. The waitress says it is like a martini I've tried there in the past only girlier so I go for it. Now how she knows I'm not sure because she is our regular waitress at this joint and in the past she's told me she isn't even legal to drink yet so it must have been the word on the street and she finally wised up and starting speaking it as her own. There is nothing worse than asking a waitress at a martini bar what her favorite one is and she says she doesn't have one. Make it up. Pick the most expensive one. When you are drinking you can be indecisive so help a girl out.

I get hit on by two guys while I wait. World record! This dress must be working some magic. I check to make sure that my boobs haven't fallen out or something. That would probably bring the guys over too. Nope. Boobs are safe and secure.

One guy chats for a sec and says that he just saw me come in and thought I was really attractive and I asked if I was a frequent visitor and I let him know that this venue has a $5 martini night on Wednesdays and my friends and I try to make it out. He said he hoped he'd see me on a Wednesday then. Sounds silly but it was actually very nice. There was more said but we'll move on. I'm only on drink 2 and this blog is already long.

Another guy comes over and starts talking to me. He shall be named Chinese Takeout Boy. He thinks somehow that I'll be impressed that he delivers Chinese takeout on Saturdays (and gets paid under the table - he says that in a "so I've got that going for me" kind of way). And his day job is a land surveyor. Now he happens to have the same first name as Med and Med was supposed to come out tonight. I randomly invited him in the email blitz thinking he totally wouldn't say yes and he did say yes and ended up not showing up (sort of). Delilah arrives after a few minutes and I introduce her and give her the "I can't get rid of this guy" look. She gives me a slightly confused look. I find out later that she thought this guy was Med because of the same first name and she couldn't figure out why he wasn't nearly as cute as I'd said and why I was trying to get rid of him.

Drink #3 (another special martini) was ordered just before Delilah arrives. Martinis just go down so fast. They should really be shots instead of full on drinks. And I think the shape of the glass is part of some big conspiracy! I know there can't really be that much alcohol in there (well I guess there is as proven by last night) and the spill factor increases with the more you have. Still can't shake this guy and order drink #4. His group is leaving so he leaves. Thank goodness. It is probably around 10:15pm at this point.

So there are four party attendees at this point. Some more time passes. It is officially deemed that no one else is coming. We decide it is best to close our tabs and head downtown. In the meantime Racer orders shots for us all (drink #5) and we head out. Conrad decides not to venture out with us so the three of us party on.

We some how make to a bar that I can't remember the name of. A Jager shot magically appears and I take it (drink #6) and then a double vodka tonic (drink #7 & 8). I drink it up. This is where things start to go a little stumbley. Literally. I believe Delilah shares her ridiculously strong gin and tonic with me (drink #9). There may have been another vodka tonic at this bar. I really have no idea. We decide to go to another bar. I have no recollection of walking to this bar other than brief flashes of me nearly busting my ass in these damn heels. But when we walk in I see a familiar face. What a surprise right? I go out and see people I know. Which I still can't get over because I really don't know a lot of people! It is Fat P. Now Fat P and I met on Match.com. We had great phone convos before we met. Then we met. He was much much much fatter then his online photo. Not cool. I felt like that was sneaky. Both our lives got crazy and we haven't talked since. He is working as a bouncer at this bar. We say hey and I try to not be a completely drunk idiot and I'm sure I let him know that and apologized for my inebriated state because my sensor turns off when I'm drinking and I tend to get really apologetic and I stumble off to my friends.

Stick a fork in me at this point. Officially done! We go to the dance floor. I could barely stand much less dance. I hope the floor was thirsty because it saw more of my drink than I did. A guy starts dancing with me and I'm trying to be cool and at least not totally fall on the floor. Seriously. But I start to go. He catches me. I suggest that it would be great to sit and get to know each other. My legs just weren't going to hold me anymore. Any ability to coordinate my actions had vanished. Now I remember my brain saying this guy is cute. But can I remember what this guy actually looks like? No. Could I even come close to picking him out of a line up? No. Maybe he'd look familiar if I saw him again (which because of how my luck is I'm sure I will). Who knows? I do know he is a great kisser, 35, divorced, has two kids that don't live with him, and his name. But unfortunately he had to tell me that twice. Good thing I was too drunk to be embarrassed. Well I guess I just had much larger embarrassments I'd caused myself that night so asking for a name a second time didn't seem to bad.

I hear someone say the club is closing and it is 2:15am. I start wandering the club looking for Delilah. I've lost some chunks of time here so bear with me. I have no idea how long I was talking to this guy or what time we got to this bar. I'm THAT girl stumbling about looking for her friends. Then I see Med! WTF? He was supposed to be at my party. I have no idea what I said other than hey but he did IM me today to point out just how wasted I was last night. I see Fat P. THANK GOODNESS!!! I guess I convey that I'm looking for my friends and he says that he remembers who I came in with and will find them for me. He says to sit tight. He finds them and takes me to them.

Time to walk back to the car. Bad news. Now I didn't actually fall but I'm not sure how. I have this small memory of us walking on cobblestone and I was oh so close to eating it. We're told that we can't take our shoes off and wander back barefoot because there are cops. I'm not sure what the logic of that is or if there is some bare foot law or something but for some reason we are believing this. Boys walk too fast though. They have no idea how hard it is to walk in heels when drunk. Delilah and I are hanging on to each other for dear life and then just give each other a look and stop and take our shoes off. Either that or end up in the ER bloodied and bruised and with a broken ankle.

There is some confusion in the car over who has my ID and I say fuck we'll figure it out later. I slump over in the back seat and just hope they get me home. I'm was mumbling apologies and spreading love the whole way...thanks for taking care of me guys, I love you, you all are the best, etc.

Back at my place I literally just start taking my jewelry and clothes off and dropping it on the floor on the way to my bedroom. Once I saw the bed I knew I'd be out. I make a quick pit stop to toss my cookies then pass out until the morning.

Having A Moment

Life sucks right this second! I'm at work. The kids (could be worse...they could be my kids) are screaming. My "office" is right next to an ice rink where a hockey session is going on. For any of you who have been to a hockey practice or game you know what sounds accompany this sort of thing. There is a kids bday party in the room next to me...these are different screaming kids. Fridays are tough because you can't wait for the weekend. I work with a thin skinned drama queen who thinks being bitchy toward me will solve her unresolved job inadequacy issues.

For the first time in my life I can't make rent and have to borrow money from my family. I know it won't be like this every month and I'll be able to pay them back next check. It still makes me frustrated. I've cut back on so much and it still isn't good enough. I'll make commission soon enough (in theory) and be good to go but my apartment complex really doesn't care about that story. Tonight will either be a great way for my mind to accept certain realities I have been avoiding or I'll have a complete meltdown. Either way will make for a good blog. I've officially decided casual sex is stupid and mainly a waste of time. This is fairly unfortunate for me since I'm single and leaves me taking care of my own business which gets old after a while.

Oh, yeah. I pulled a hammy pole dancing. Actually going from a spin to a split while pole dancing. Looked cool at least (and isn't that what matters in the end?). My tattoo is itching like a mother fucker.

All of this is amplified by the fact that I think I drank too much coffee this morning to help lift the fog (I overslept).

On another note I'm going to learn how to ice skate.

Whiny Ass Bitch - Still An Idiot

The entry below was posted by Whiny Ass Bitch on CampusBlender.com (Delilah - thanks for this!). This is just the final entry which sums it up but if you want to see the statements that led up to this idiotic babble, click here.

girls look so much better when youre drunk

Im not sure if I need rope or not, but she looks pretty cute at the moment.

Now if I could put a pillow ver her face to shut her the fuck up.

yaaay jack daniels!



/drunken like a muther fucker post

9/23/2007 2:17:45 AM