Fuckable

So at least I know I'm fuckable...not lovable and adorable as I'd prefer. But hey, I'm fuckable.

Let us go back to mid last week. I got an IM from a guy I liked before I started blogging. Let's call him Med. He is the reason the question "Are you on any sort of meds? If so, is your dosing correct at the moment?" exists in the Dating Questionnaire I created. I met him on Match.com and we had several dates and I really liked him and he was oh so cute. We had chemistry right away and he was the first guy I'd really liked since I left the AXH. We ended our very short lived relationship after he said his meds were off and he had missed some psychiatrist appointments and was on the rebound and...I cut him off at this point in my mind and began backing out the door in retreat. I don't mind if you have certain chemical imbalances that require medicating. While this country is over medicated you need what you need...just take what you need when you need it at the appropriate dose and we're all hunky doory. He said he'd be in touch if he got his life together.

So last week I get an offline IM and I assume he's got his life together. He isn't online so I write back just saying things are good and I got a new job...blah blah blah...I'm online yesterday and he messages me back. He doesn't even say congrats on the new job or anything remotely close. We say the hellos back and forth and he busts out with "So I hope I don't offend you but do you think we could just hook up?". At least I was a memorable fuck. Maybe I was just his only fuck before his journey to find himself while appropriately medicated. Who knows? Obviously my answer was no.

Sigh...

I went to a pole warming party last night for a one of the instructors at the studio where I pole dance. It got me motivated to put my pole up today. I called the AXH to borrow his drill. He obliges and I head over today to pick it up. Now any of those who know my AXH may want to quit reading after this point. I know now that you probably will keep reading because now there is more hype but this gets a little personal so you've at least been warned.

He has just moved into the townhouse he bought from the Cheater. I get the tour and we chat for a while. I notice though that he seems "excited" if you get my drift. I'm trying to ignore it but I feel like it is a little bit like the scene from Anchorman. If you've seen the movie you know exactly what I'm talking about. He finally sits down but I can tell he has not put the beast to bed. I just keep conversing and eventually go home. I was actually surprised how long we chatted but maybe he just didn't want to get up to have me leave. Either way it was a good visit.

I get home and can't find a joist to mount this damn pole. I hate projects of this nature. Handy sorts of things. I'm just not handy...well with household projects at least. Before I completely ruin my ceiling I break down and call the AXH. He agrees to come over and help. He knows that I only call him if I really have to and he also knows that I hate asking for help and accepting defeat on household projects. Plus could he really complain to help me install a stripper pole?

He brings the beast with him to install the pole! Again, just trying to ignore the whole thing. He asks if I'll show him a few moves. I feel slightly obligated since he has helped me with this project. I make him try a pole hold to prove it all isn't nearly as easy as it looks. I had asked him to help me rearrange my bedroom furniture a few months ago and he actually brings up the fact that he could help me move it while he is here. So I of course take him up on the offer.

He seems to be lingering though. He isn't a lingerer. This is very strange. We are standing in the living room and he asks if I would want to hook up just one last time. WTF?! Why does everyone want to fuck me this weekend? I know this doesn't seem like a bad problem but the partners aren't ideal. I say no. He says well he could just use some of my toys on me so that it doesn't seem like sex. WTF?! Still a no. I'm not saying I wouldn't like to get laid but not by a crazy and not by the AXH. He says he's just horny and thought I might like to get together for old times sake. Oh well when you put it like that..of course of I want to fuck you! WTF?! He said he thought I was sending him sexual vibes. Sorry that pole dancing is sexy but it wasn't intended to make him think that I wanted to have sex with him. Exactly why guys aren't allowed in the pole dancing class. He said that I just turn him on SO MUCH now that we are apart and that he doesn't think he can see me regularly at all. Now it isn't like we saw each other a lot before. But this does explain his quick departures when we do see each other.

You have to understand just how strange this is. We had a terrible and dull sex life for the last several years of our relationship so for me to turn him on to the point that he can't even look at me anymore just blows my mind!

He called me back a little while after he left to apologize - that he didn't want me to think he was using me. Now I don't know exactly what else you call asking someone for sex just to satisfy an urge but we'll at least accept the apology for apologies sake because he isn't really good at those. He was also thankful that I turned him down because it probably wouldn't have been good for his chi. WTF?!